Subtle and not-so Subtle: Mothering and Breastfeeding in the media?

Last Saturday was our latest installment of the Soap Box Derby, a community forum for mamas to discuss real issues that impact family living in our local community. The official objective is to "offer support and resources to each other, share personal and community-based successes, and learn more about local grassroots activism and advocacy for mothers and families." The proposed topic of the e

vening was Connecting with Like-Minded Mamas and Families in South Miami-Dade County.

Six mamas, with children of various ages, and even a couple of dads came out for their turn up on the soap box. Denise at Spellbound Books in Downtown Homestead was our gracious host (thanks Denise!), and even got in on the discussion. This might seem like a small number, but this area is notorious for it's lack of community, so I considered it a good sign.

As it often does within a group passionate people, the conversation morphed into one of culture and societal ideals. We talked about our births, our families and friends, what is considered "normal", and marveled at how many woman just accept the low standards of obstetric care in our local community. We kept coming back around to question of how it got this way? Why are so many woman afraid of birth,

breastfeeding, and mothering in general? Why is it socially acceptable to joke

about getting epidurals in hospital parking lots? Waiting 2 years for kids to talk then the rest of their life wishing they would shut up? Fantasizing about the end of summer meaning kids get shipped off back to their institutions (school) where we don't have to "deal with them" all day? I haven't used this one in a while, but this kind of talk really deserves a good ol' fashioned WTF?

We talked about how perspectives get changed; how do we as women who were transformed by our births and experiences as mothers identify with each other? How do we leak the secret that even though mothering is hard and long and sometimes exhausting, its also fun, and empowering, and more rewarding than any other work one can ever do?

We discussed how urban myths about motherhood are pe

rpetuated by every sitcom birth scene, cleaning product advertisement, and baby registry list. We talked about how sex ed classes intentionally put a downward spin on pregnancy and birth, and therefore becoming a mother, in the hopes of deterring teens from "doing it". We joked about the fact thatthe giant ,fat, baby, "Aaron", on the television show LOST never nurses even though the entire series takes place on a desert island where he was born. (Of course during that scene, his mother was lying flat on her back, being yelled at by other characters who were NOT mothers to PUSH, PUSH!)

(that's as close as he ever gets to a breast)

Maybe the Dharma Inititative makes formula?

That would actually explain a lot.

And finally we discussed what, in my humble opinion, is the most insidious of all propaganda against the reality of motherhood: battery operated baby dolls, their multitude of ridiculous accessories, and children's movies!

It would be so easy to just slip in some real mothering now and then, wouldn't it? How about baby doll that DOESN"T come with a bottle or pacifier? Even the controversial Spanish breastfeeding baby doll, Bebe Gloton, (which I like by the way, and my kids LOVE) is battery operated and comes with a binky and even stranger, a bib with pretend breasts on it.

Watch the "Demonstracion del Bebe Gloton"

Or how about a cartoon mother nursing a baby or holding him in her arms at least, instead of in a lacy bassinet or pram? Would that be scandalous?

Well, no, it really wouldn't! Read on!

We went to see Ponyo at the movie theater yesterday. The main characters, Sosuke and Ponyo seem like real little people we know, namely my own son and daughter. We loved it! I loved it!

That said, I should also note that my family is quite faithful to Hiyao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli films. If you aren't familiar with these wonderful movies, they are typically quite lovely and realistic hand-drawn animation, no cgi. The plots are crazy, magical, fantasy stories with strange creatures living in weird lands. The kids act like real kids, and families interact with each other like real people. The main characters are NOT usually princesses, and even when they are, they aren't the kind of foo-foo prissy damsels in distress we are used to. The humor is actually funny, instead of sarcastic, cruel and slapstick. And even though there are some exciting, scary and occasionally even bloody parts, there is not usually much violence.

Ponyo was released in Japan a couple of years ago, and after much acclaim, Disney bought it and dubbed it, using a bunch of famous actors voices.

Click here to watch the trailer.

Five year old Sosuke finds a "goldfish" in the ocean, vows to take care of her forever, then she turns in to a human girl. There are some surface value similarities to the little mermaid, but with no desperate search for a husband before the sunsets. My absolute favorite part really isn't very significant to the story line at all. This is not a direct quote, but from what I remember, it goes a little su'um like this:
Ponyo and Sosuke are in a boat searching for his mother after a storm that flooded their town. They come upon a couple and their baby in a canoe. Ponyo offers a cup of soup to the woman holding the baby in her arms. The woman takes a sip and Ponyo gets upset.

"No! That's for him!"

The mother replies: "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid he's too young for anything but milk. But if I drink the soup, it will help me make milk for him. Would that be allright? "

Ponyo pauses for a moment, then takes out the sandwiches they had packed, unwraps them, and thrusts them toward the mother, who thanks her for being so generous, and asks if she is sure she wants to give away their food.

Ponyo's reply: "Here, have some milk, its for your milk!"

As I said, it's really not relevant to the plot. But it is so absent in our media and culture to have a normal exchange related to mothering and especially to breastfeeding, that it stood out for me. So simple, but imagine how profound it would be if all the bottle babies in movies suddenly didn't have bottles. Imagine if baby dolls came with little slings for their pretend mamas to wear. Imagine if the next generation of children grew up EXPECTING babies to require loving arms and real milk, instead of a bunch of plastic crap on the registry. What do you think would happen to breastfeeding rates then? I wonder...

In fact, I wonder so much about this that we are planning an event around it. Spoiler alert: Watch out for BirthGirlz M.A.M.A. Exhibition in 2010. Coming soon to a theater, museum and gallery near you! Motherhood in American Media and Art! Stay tuned for more info...

::kristin::

Doing your love!

This is intended to be a short sweet post, which I'm notoriously bad at, so we'll see how it goes.

I just wanted to mention to anyone who happens upon this blog, or our website, or facebook, or someone on a distant planet intercepting our interstellar noise, to do what you love. Do it all, all the time, whether you are an expert at it or not. If you love it, and you do it, good will come!

I just came home from another BirthGirlz Street team meeting, and am so inspired by the potential of a group of amazing, normal, dynamic, regular people in a room sharing ideas and cooperating. From our casual play days to our upcoming events, to our big plans for grant funded projects and programs, every one has something to contribute, and it is truly incredible to watch it all manifest!

Big things will happen from our small efforts. And then our efforts get bigger and better things happen. And I love it all! I hope you do, too, and that you all keep doing what you love in your neighborhoods, and towns, and cities, and counties and we will surely work our way up to the GLOBE in to time!

::kristin::

Armed for the Revolution?

Recently I was asked (again) what the big deal is. Why do we feel we need a "revolution" in how we view birth and mothering? Sometimes it's an elaborate dance to answer without seeming like a radical activist. But wait, am I?

I don't really feel radical. I just try to make the best choices for my family and me. Sometimes the things we choose are readily available. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're so far from the mainstream that people don't even know they have a right to these choices. That's why we need a revolution!

I've been contemplating this a lot lately, especially while listening to commercial radio. I listen a lot in the car, and I'm beginning to feel like the miles are marked by how many advertisements I hear for plastic surgery.

Free liposuction when you pay full price for breast implants? Suck it out here, stuff it in there?

Buy one, get one half price breast augmentation? They don't come as a matching pair? Or do they just want you to bring a friend so you can feel more "normal"?

There is even a local radio station giving away breast augmentation surgery AS A CONTEST PRIZE!

And my latest favorite: vaginal rejuvenation? WTF? And we used to cringe at douche commercials that talked about that "not so fresh feeling"! Have times changed so much?

So last month, I started my period while at my mother in law's house. (Read more on the thoughts that go through my head on those visits at my Eat@Mom's blog) I usually use cloth pads, and sometimes ob style tampons, but had neglected to pack any that day. Extra undies for both my son and daughter, a change of clothes for my husband after he mowed the lawn, but nothing for me. Just like a mama, eh?  My mother in law hasn't menstruated for many a year now, but thankfully, she has a secret stash of various "girly" stuff in her bathroom cabinet from when the grand-daughters come to visit.

As I rifled around among various hair products, deodorizing air freshener, and Comet, I finally found what I was looking for. Well, sort of. Actually, I was quite baffled by what I found: a colorfully pastel box decorated with stylized graphic jewels with 2 remaining tampons in it. Now these aren't your grandmother's tampons! I mean, my own  mom is pretty committed to her classic Tampax, but these things were from the future, for sure! That or another planet! Each was wrapped in an indestructible, shiny, crinkly, pliable paper-like plastic wrap which reminded me of those thermal blankets they wrap around emergency victims.   Once I managed to tear  the wrapper open along it's specially perforated end, I withdrew from inside it a bright, pearlescent green plastic device as long as my entire hand, from wrist to the tip of my middle finger. It looked like some sort of elfin rocket launcher.

Does it really need to be that complicated?

The thought occurred to me that women are using these mini rocket launchers to wage war on their own bodies ! Shooting themselves repeatedly with little chemically loaded cartridges designed to prevent odor and slowly kill you via perfume and toxic shock syndrome! And all without having to ever even come close to touching our own genitalia, thanks to the giant sanitary plastic device!

No girls, don't touch those private parts! Those parts that we know so little about collectively that many woman call the whole kit and caboodle their "vagina". What about your labia?

 Remember you old pal clitoris? Don't you people love your vulvas in their entirety? I guess not. Maybe they aren't worthy of love until we modify them somehow via plastic surgery?

Is it really a stretch to see how this carries over to our birth experiences? We are socially trained from childhood not to talk about our bodies so much that we have forgotten what their names are. And, do I have to tell you again NOT TO TOUCH !? No, you leave that to your doctor! He'll tell you if you are abnormal or not after he scrapes your cervix with a little wire brush. ( You remember you cervix? It's inside your vagina, at the bottom of your uterus)If he's not sure, he'll just freeze it 'til it peels of, so he can start over. Then he'll let you know when you made your baby, when your baby is ready to be removed and, since you know so little about your own body, he'd better do that part for you, too. And if anything accidentally goes wrong, he'll just take out everything. A good ol' complete hysterectomy will do, just to be on the safe side.

But don't you worry! You won't have to see, feel, or touch anything gross. In fact, you won't even be aware of most of what's going on, as long as you or your partner signed off on that liability waiver before the procedure. It's all for our comfort. Because that's what women want right?

Or do we? How often do we routinely stick tools into men's bodies just to make sure they're OK? How often do we electively and prophylactically remove male sex organs as preventative medicine? How often do we offer to perform surgery on men's most sensitive and private parts as a prize or reward? 

So is this what we want? Or do we want to be armed with knowledge? Do we want our daughters to understand how they work and how amazing we are? Do we want to know that we are strong and powerful, and beautifully delicate at the same time?

Arm yourselves, BirthGirlz!

(pink stinger tampon taser gun,

www.americaninventorspot.com)

Do we want to be armed with accurate evidence based information? Do we want to be aware of what is normal for our bodies, from puberty, to pregnancy, to parenthood? Do we want to live in a society that supports women in making good choices for themselves and their families?

Do we want a revolution?

I do. And I'm armed!

(tampon shooter from www.tamponcrafts.com)

::kristin::

www.BirthGirlz.com

The Galaxy Effect

We had a birthday party at our house yesterday. Both of my kids are born in May, so every year we have a big old fashioned potluck pool party/double birthday. As I was in the kitchen finishing up some garlic rolls, I was catching up with a good friend who I don't get to see as much now as we did when our kids were younger. We've both grown busier, more activities, more commitments, leaving less time for lazy afternoons sipping tea and gossiping about our babies.

She spent a few minutes filling me in on the goings on of her gang: her oldest's boyfriend, her youngest's  attitude, her husband's plans to renovate their already gorgeous garden. Then she asked what my family had been up to.

I blinked, stopped chopping garlic, and had to think hard on how to answer. It wasn't that I couldn't think of what to tell her. It was that I could decide where to start.

We're are a busy family. But not busy in the mundane, go-to-school, go-to-work, come-home-cook-dinner, sort of way. We are all over the place! Intertwined with all the normal functions of daily family life we end up doing all kinds of things that can only be classified as "other". Feeding chickens, going to jujitsu, picking up a truck load of mulch, sorting produce for our co-op, snake hunting ( for fun and photos, not killing!) attending play groups and support meetings...

Not to mention starting a new not for profit organization.

For my entire life, I have been passionate about a lot of seemingly random things. The only unifying factor among many of my interests is, well, that I am interested in them. It sort of feels like I am at the center of a huge swirling mass of different entities. They revolve around me, sometimes close and prominent, dominating every aspect of my being. Then they drift off, further away in space and time, and I am hardly aware of their gravity at all. Life cycles like that, most times just whirling along in peaceful chaos.

Then, sometimes planets collide! Orbits cross paths and in an instant things happen on a scale that can only be perceived by stepping back and looking at the entire system as one. That's how it is with BirthGirlz!

Michelle and I have known of each other for 15 years or more. Mutual friends, similar interests; it's fair to say we travelled in the same circles, but not necessarily at the same time. That all changed when our sons met for the first time. In about an hour, they came to us, 5 and 6 years old, and announced that they were brothers. OK, we took it in stride, how cute our boys were with their new friendship. We fostered it by moving schedules around, making more days available for the boys to get together, which meant more days for us to get together.

As the boys pretended to be Harry and Voldemort, (and our toddler girls decided if they would even look at each other) we talked about the people we knew in common, the ones we liked and didn't. As they kids pretended to be Mario and Luigi, we shared bread recipes and each joined the co-op the other organized, one for dry goods, one for produce. Amid foam sword fights and Nintendo marathons, we discussed our similar but separate involvement in the birth community, how we supported mamas, and what we felt we needed more of. We organized, connected, networked and listened over and over to moms at our playgroups sigh over the fact that there wasn't enough community in our community. And one day, we just decided we were the ones to build it.

So here we stand now, at the center of our lives as mamas: feeding our families and fundraising, karate and community events, ballet and business meetings, and watching it all come together on its own. BirthGirlz are at the center of the galaxy, and we're going super nova!

::kristin::

BirthGirlz.com