Last Saturday was our latest installment of the Soap Box Derby, a community forum for mamas to discuss real issues that impact family living in our local community. The official objective is to "offer support and resources to each other, share personal and community-based successes, and learn more about local grassroots activism and advocacy for mothers and families." The proposed topic of the e
vening was Connecting with Like-Minded Mamas and Families in South Miami-Dade County.
Six mamas, with children of various ages, and even a couple of dads came out for their turn up on the soap box. Denise at Spellbound Books in Downtown Homestead was our gracious host (thanks Denise!), and even got in on the discussion. This might seem like a small number, but this area is notorious for it's lack of community, so I considered it a good sign.
As it often does within a group passionate people, the conversation morphed into one of culture and societal ideals. We talked about our births, our families and friends, what is considered "normal", and marveled at how many woman just accept the low standards of obstetric care in our local community. We kept coming back around to question of how it got this way? Why are so many woman afraid of birth,
breastfeeding, and mothering in general? Why is it socially acceptable to joke
about getting epidurals in hospital parking lots? Waiting 2 years for kids to talk then the rest of their life wishing they would shut up? Fantasizing about the end of summer meaning kids get shipped off back to their institutions (school) where we don't have to "deal with them" all day? I haven't used this one in a while, but this kind of talk really deserves a good ol' fashioned WTF?
We talked about how perspectives get changed; how do we as women who were transformed by our births and experiences as mothers identify with each other? How do we leak the secret that even though mothering is hard and long and sometimes exhausting, its also fun, and empowering, and more rewarding than any other work one can ever do?
We discussed how urban myths about motherhood are pe
rpetuated by every sitcom birth scene, cleaning product advertisement, and baby registry list. We talked about how sex ed classes intentionally put a downward spin on pregnancy and birth, and therefore becoming a mother, in the hopes of deterring teens from "doing it". We joked about the fact thatthe giant ,fat, baby, "Aaron", on the television show LOST never nurses even though the entire series takes place on a desert island where he was born. (Of course during that scene, his mother was lying flat on her back, being yelled at by other characters who were NOT mothers to PUSH, PUSH!)
(that's as close as he ever gets to a breast)
Maybe the Dharma Inititative makes formula?
That would actually explain a lot.
And finally we discussed what, in my humble opinion, is the most insidious of all propaganda against the reality of motherhood: battery operated baby dolls, their multitude of ridiculous accessories, and children's movies!
It would be so easy to just slip in some real mothering now and then, wouldn't it? How about baby doll that DOESN"T come with a bottle or pacifier? Even the controversial Spanish breastfeeding baby doll, Bebe Gloton, (which I like by the way, and my kids LOVE) is battery operated and comes with a binky and even stranger, a bib with pretend breasts on it.
Or how about a cartoon mother nursing a baby or holding him in her arms at least, instead of in a lacy bassinet or pram? Would that be scandalous?
Well, no, it really wouldn't! Read on!
We went to see Ponyo at the movie theater yesterday. The main characters, Sosuke and Ponyo seem like real little people we know, namely my own son and daughter. We loved it! I loved it!
That said, I should also note that my family is quite faithful to Hiyao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli films. If you aren't familiar with these wonderful movies, they are typically quite lovely and realistic hand-drawn animation, no cgi. The plots are crazy, magical, fantasy stories with strange creatures living in weird lands. The kids act like real kids, and families interact with each other like real people. The main characters are NOT usually princesses, and even when they are, they aren't the kind of foo-foo prissy damsels in distress we are used to. The humor is actually funny, instead of sarcastic, cruel and slapstick. And even though there are some exciting, scary and occasionally even bloody parts, there is not usually much violence.
Ponyo was released in Japan a couple of years ago, and after much acclaim, Disney bought it and dubbed it, using a bunch of famous actors voices.
Five year old Sosuke finds a "goldfish" in the ocean, vows to take care of her forever, then she turns in to a human girl. There are some surface value similarities to the little mermaid, but with no desperate search for a husband before the sunsets. My absolute favorite part really isn't very significant to the story line at all. This is not a direct quote, but from what I remember, it goes a little su'um like this:
Ponyo and Sosuke are in a boat searching for his mother after a storm that flooded their town. They come upon a couple and their baby in a canoe. Ponyo offers a cup of soup to the woman holding the baby in her arms. The woman takes a sip and Ponyo gets upset.
"No! That's for him!"
The mother replies: "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid he's too young for anything but milk. But if I drink the soup, it will help me make milk for him. Would that be allright? "
Five year old Sosuke finds a "goldfish" in the ocean, vows to take care of her forever, then she turns in to a human girl. There are some surface value similarities to the little mermaid, but with no desperate search for a husband before the sunsets. My absolute favorite part really isn't very significant to the story line at all. This is not a direct quote, but from what I remember, it goes a little su'um like this:
Ponyo and Sosuke are in a boat searching for his mother after a storm that flooded their town. They come upon a couple and their baby in a canoe. Ponyo offers a cup of soup to the woman holding the baby in her arms. The woman takes a sip and Ponyo gets upset.
"No! That's for him!"
The mother replies: "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid he's too young for anything but milk. But if I drink the soup, it will help me make milk for him. Would that be allright? "
Ponyo pauses for a moment, then takes out the sandwiches they had packed, unwraps them, and thrusts them toward the mother, who thanks her for being so generous, and asks if she is sure she wants to give away their food.
Ponyo's reply: "Here, have some milk, its for your milk!"
As I said, it's really not relevant to the plot. But it is so absent in our media and culture to have a normal exchange related to mothering and especially to breastfeeding, that it stood out for me. So simple, but imagine how profound it would be if all the bottle babies in movies suddenly didn't have bottles. Imagine if baby dolls came with little slings for their pretend mamas to wear. Imagine if the next generation of children grew up EXPECTING babies to require loving arms and real milk, instead of a bunch of plastic crap on the registry. What do you think would happen to breastfeeding rates then? I wonder...
In fact, I wonder so much about this that we are planning an event around it. Spoiler alert: Watch out for BirthGirlz M.A.M.A. Exhibition in 2010. Coming soon to a theater, museum and gallery near you! Motherhood in American Media and Art! Stay tuned for more info...
::kristin::
